Louisiana

Crossing into Louisiana from Texas was bittersweet. The riding conditions quickly improved on Highway 12 East, but we were greeted with a wall of humidity that we still haven’t escaped. Louisiana seems to exist in an alternate universe, and in their universe water doesn’t realize that it is supposed to be a liquid when it is 70 degrees outside. We could feel our pace getting slower and slower as we fought through thick air and our lungs gasped for oxygen.

We discovered that a Parish is basically the same thing as a County, and the quality of the roads changes drastically as you enter new Parishes. It was really difficult to find a stealth camping spot that first night because everything in Louisiana is a swamp. By time night fell we decided to go with a spot near some power lines that was probably owned by the power company. We were out of sight of the highway, which is really all we need. The odds of someone seeing us at night are basically zero, and if someone sees us in the morning it doesn’t matter because we are moving on anyway. I guess they could be a shitbag and call the cops to give us a trespass notice, but so far that hasn’t happened. Stealth camping was pretty difficult in that part of the country but we always found a relatively safe place.

The next couple of days were relatively uneventful. We biked along the same road and saw the same sites. We clearly stand out down here and a lot of people at gas stations and grocery stores are interested in us. They also offer us weed and money and food pretty regularly, but we generally turn down these offers. As we approached Baton Rouge we needed to cross a couple of rivers, and by rivers I mean “a river that also has miles of swamp on both sides”. In order to navigate one of the rivers we had to trespass on a nature reserve. The road through the reserve was decent and we just smiled and waved at everyone we saw. Nobody seemed to care that we were there, which is kind of the norm in life… if you act friendly and confident people tend to just let you do your thing.

After several days we arrived in Baton Rouge, which turned out to be a really kick ass town. It has all the things we are looking for in a place to live. It is also SUPER cheap. With a little effort you can find a 2-bedroom house with a yard for about $600 per month. One good thing about living in Los Angeles is everything seems reasonably priced compared to them. If we end up moving to Baton Rouge (which looks fairly likely) we wouldn’t really need to work anymore than we are now, though a part-time job at a coffee shop or something is good for meeting people and getting out of the house. We both get kind of fat when our lives don’t revolve around exercise and we will need a way to stay active.

In Baton Rouge we stayed with a wonderful couple we found on Couchsurfing. Jen and Zac hosted us for several nights and we had an amazing time with them. We all had a lot in common… they are vegan, minimalist, love travelling, and they work for a solar company (okay, we don’t work for a solar company but we have solar panels). They also love pets and have a dog and a pig. We may be meeting up with them in DC later this year, which would be fucking awesome. One of my favorite things about being on the road is meeting all these amazing people and staying connected with them. Our network continues to spider all over the country and the magic of the internet lets us all stay in touch.

Sadly, our time in Baton Rouge had to come to an end and we hit the road. The first day was longer than average at 45 miles, but we made it halfway to New Orleans. We stayed with Dale, a prolific host that we found on Warmshowers.com (a site that has nothing to do with pee). Dale owns an auto shop and opens it up to cyclists coming through the area. He was incredibly friendly and knew exactly what a cyclist needs after a long day on the trail. He provided a safe place to sleep, electricity to power our stuff, a little kit with a new toothbrush and other amenities, and a little privacy. After chatting for a bit he left and let us rest. There was another cyclist there who was from Australia and travelling the US for a bit. He, like us, didn’t have a very strict plan, he was just riding along. Now we have an Australian connection for when we decide to tour there. J

The next morning, we slowly got back onto the road towards New Orleans. The plan was to get to a state park, camp there for two nights, and then head into New Orleans to stay with one of the coolest people on the planet, Cheyenne. Unfortunately, things don’t go as planned. The weather when we left was gross and we had a late start, which made it impossible to get to the state park. But, because we were so close to New Orleans (and Louisiana’s swampy terrain) it was nearly impossible to find a stealth spot. Eventually, after some searching, we found a spot underneath an interstate overpass. It wasn’t the quietest place but it did the job.

Before heading to Bayou Segnette State Park we stopped by Starbucks to work and Best Buy to get some supplies. We didn’t actually get anything at Best Buy because, apparently, they don’t actually have things in stock. So, we just used Amazon to order exactly what we wanted instead of settling for what they had. After the work we hit the road to finish up our short 20 mile day. Unfortunately, short doesn’t mean stress free or easy. To get to Bayou Segnette we had to cross a massive bridge going over the Mississippi River. It was a stressful ride but we made it and after checking in we set up for the night.

The next morning, we finally were headed to New Orleans to rest for about a week. Though, the 15 mile ride would be one of the longest ones of our bike ride. Our first stop was to a welder to get Anna’s trailer welded, it cracked for the third time a few days earlier but this was our first chance to find an aluminum welder to get it fixed. We found a guy who makes giant aluminum boats and he fixed it up really quickly. Our original plan was to take a ferry across the Mississippi in order to avoid the bridge and to cut our travel time down, the ferry would dump us straight into the French Quarter where we were staying. Unfortunately, the ferry was broken. According to the ferry website the boats are “older than Neptune and prone to break”. It doesn’t appear that the city of New Orleans is putting any real effort into solving this problem in the long term. Shit just breaks all the time and people deal with it.

So, we were stuck with crossing the bridge again. We were most of the way up the bridge when my chain snapped. I was able to push my stuff up the rest of the bridge and then coast down to an abandoned lot where I could try to repair the chain. That didn’t go as planned. I didn’t have all the correct parts to replace the chain because I am dumb and forgot that I had used up the spare links when I was in Dallas. We found a bike shop two miles away and started walking.

Eventually we got the parts, fixed the bike, and started riding again. By this time it was already late afternoon and we decided to stop by a brewery on our route into New Orleans. The beer was good and it was a nice break from the crazy long and stressful day we had. We hit the road again after a few drinks and made it to our friend’s place in the French Quarter at around 6pm. We had to pee really badly from the beer, so fixing that was our first order of business. Then we hauled everything up to her third floor apartment, locked and covered our bikes and trailers in the alley, and then finally relaxed.

Our time in New Orleans was a mixture of business and pleasure. We worked a bunch, rested some, and got our bikes tuned up. We also explored the city with our wonderful friend Cheyenne as our guide. Cheyenne is one of the most beautiful spirits we’ve ever encountered. We met her years ago because of Burning Man. She was in Los Angeles at the time and needed a ride up to Burning Man, she connected with me through a mutual friend, and we gave her a ride to and from the Playa. She is one of those people whose love and passion and energy can motivate you to get involved and change the world. She also always opens her home to those in need (she actually hosted us in Olympia, Washington back in 2014 as well when she was in college there), and she is a wonderful tour guide and host. It was such a pleasure seeing her and exploring New Orleans with her.

New Orleans is a fun city and somewhere that we would like to visit more often. It has so much life and character, and generally finds a way to prevent the problems you see in other large cities. There is a substantial homeless population but the city is fairly clean. There are trash cans everywhere and you often see porta-potties and public toilets available (take note Los Angeles). We never felt unsafe while wandering around and the open container laws (and recent marijuana decriminalization) means the police are generally there to prevent violence and theft instead of being used to bring in money or harass people because of their vices. The city is expensive as shit though, which is one reason we would visit a lot instead of living there.

After a prolonged break (we were delayed because our bikes took longer to tune up than expected) we started hit the road again, this time with Mississippi on the near horizon. Leaving New Orleans was an experience itself. First, we stopped by Villalobos, the home of one of our favorite shows “Pit bulls and Parolees”. For those that don’t know, the show focuses on the day-to-day operations of Villalobos, a rescue organization that focuses on pit bulls and hires primarily parolees. The show is all about second chances and letting individuals (animals and humans) have a chance at a new, better life. We took some pictures while there and met some of the staff. The staff was fascinated by Higgins and his little adventure we’ve been on.

After Villalobos we had a lot of trouble getting out of the city. We were going through the 9^th Ward and it was clear that the culture and infrastructure was still suffering from Hurricane Katrina’s devestation. There was a real distrust of outsiders there, to the point where a cop told us we needed to move along quickly when we were in front of a store packing up the groceries we just bought. Apparently, because I decided to eat something while packing, we were loitering and couldn’t stay there to eat. This is the first time that has ever happened to us.

At another one of our stops we pulled into an abandoned lot to have a quick picnic. We weren’t there 20 minutes before a truck pulled up and told us that it was private property. It was clear he wanted to make sure we didn’t plan on staying long. Shortly after he left another car pulled up and the driver just stared at us while we packed up. She didn’t say anything, but she watched us until we were ready to leave.

We kept trucking and soon got to a bayou reserve with some picnic tables. We stopped to take another break and a cop pulled up to talk to us. He warned us about how dangerous it was in the area and told us we needed to be careful because he “just caught two people doing drugs earlier”. The mindset that “doing drugs” = “harm to other people” is really disturbing, but pretty common among law enforcement. Personally, I’d rather hang out with a drug user than a cop. It is way more likely that a police officer will shoot Higgins or I than a random pot smoker will. When the cop asked where we were staying that night we lied and said we had a friend a few miles up the road. It was better to lie to him than tell him we planned on stealth camping along the river.

Fortunately, we actually didn’t need to stealth camp along the river. Shortly after we passed a Catholic church one of the employees drove up and told us we could camp on the church property if we want. That was really nice of him and this marks the first time a Catholic church has been helpful. Generally, Catholic churches are the least supportive. They either ignore emails and phone calls or have policies against providing shelter for strangers. Our favorite denominations tend to be Presbyterian and Lutheran churches, they are usually friendly and don’t try to convert us. I’m not sure if there is a theological reason for why different denominations tend to treat us differently, or if the difference even exists, our sample size is hardly big enough to draw any real conclusions.

That night beside the church was our last one in Louisiana. The next day we rode the final 15ish miles to the Mississippi border. We had a tailwind and beautiful weather to keep us moving into our 17^th state.

Check out our photos on Instagram (@shifts_and_higgles) or follow us on Facebook (www.facebook.com/shiftsandhiggles)

Libertine to St. Louis (or, Illinois Wants to Kill Us or Give Us Money)

If you want to view pictures check out our instagram (@shifts_and_higgles) and our Facebook page (www.facebook.com/shiftsandhiggles). Love you all!

 After leaving Bloomington we had to move pretty quickly to St. Louis. We had dental appointments scheduled for the 17th and didn’t have a lot of days to spare. Things started off the same it had for a while, we had some hills getting out of Indiana and we mostly camped on the side of the road. The roads were traditionally mid-west, meaning they had no shoulder, no bike lane, sharp turns, high speed limits, big trucks, and dangerous drivers.

The second day out of Bloomington may have been the worst we have ever experienced. On top of the terrible roads and awful drivers, it started to rain on us. We also had a lot of hills, a busted tire, and construction that limited our route options. To be honest, it was completely shitty. We were frustrated, short-tempered, and low on motivation. I want to like the midwest, but outside of a few cities (like Bloomington) the infrastructure is terrible. Some of the people are nice when we talk to them face-to-face but we have had more drivers run us off the road, almost hit us, yell at us, or throw things at us here than the rest of the ride combined. There seems to be a cultural anger towards cyclists (or maybe it is just against outsiders). People seem threatened by anyone who isn’t a conservative farmer. It is sad and infuriating. There also seems to be a perception here that we are transients without jobs, we’ve had lots of people offer us money, food, and supplies out of nowhere. We didn’t accept because we aren’t in need, and it is a strange feeling to have people make assumptions about you.

Crossing into Illinois brought much of the same. We stayed along old Hwy-40 for several days, and normally highways that run parallel to interstates are good for us. They tend to have decent shoulders and are rarely used due to the nearby interstate. That isn’t the case with 40. For some reason there was a ton of traffic on it all the time and the road clearly hasn’t seen any maintenance since the Roosevelt administration. It was an awful couple of days.

There was one high point, a kitty. Anna heard a kitty meowing while biking along the highway and she was able to rescue it. We gave it a little food, rigged up a transportation system for it, named it (Princess Buttercup Effingham or HAM – Hard Ass Motherfucker), and rode to the next town. We were able to find it a nice home with a lady we met at a grocery store. It was clearly abandoned on the side of the road by someone, which makes me want to punch that person in the face. People are such assholes to animals sometimes, it makes me so angry. I am glad we were able to save this one.

As we got closer to St. Louis it became harder and harder to find campgrounds. We had three separate “campgrounds” tell us that they don’t allow tent camping. This is a huge pet peeve of ours. If you are only going to allow RVs you should call yourself an RV park instead of a campground. Don’t hijack a word that generally means people spending time in nature and change it’s meaning to mean people living in $1,000,000 buses with satellite dishes.

Our last day getting into St. Louis was pretty smooth. The first 20 miles were along a beautiful bike trail that almost took us to the bridge that crossed the Mississippi. After that we wandered through some industrial areas, rode on some dangerous urban roads, and eventually made it safely to Anna’s parents house. Now, we get ten days off or so for maintenance, sleep, and getting fat. This marks the end of Leg 2 of our ride and covered ~3,500 miles, 7 new states, and 125 days. I’m not sure yet how the next leg will go, but we are excited to continue our 48-state tour in a couple weeks.

Minneapolis to Milwaukee (or A Quick Update about a Long Route)

Due to being busy with work and lazy and such we are way behind on our blog posts. So, instead of stressing out and trying to catch up I’ve decided to just do a highlights of the last bit. If you’d like to see some of our photos check out our Facebook page (www.facebook.com/shiftsandhiggles) or our Instagram (@shifts_and_higgles).

We woke in our hotel room slightly hungover and pretty damn tired. It was slow moving, as always, and trudging equipment downstairs certainly didn’t help our speed. Eventually, we got on the road though and biked our way through St. Paul, Minnesota. It became quickly obvious that we were now in a hilly part of the country. It was our least favorite day to cycle (Sunday) but we did see a lot of other cyclists on the road, which is always inspiring. Towards the end of the day we crossed into our 8^th state, Wisconsin!

The terrain and weather was far from ideal during the days from Minneapolis to Madison. We had almost daily rain and lots of unexpected hills. We also had to cancel some Couchsurfing and WarmShowers plans due to the world holding us up unexpectedly. Oh well, such is life.

Madison turned out to be amazing. First, we had amazing WarmShowers hosts. Nicole and Nick are cyclists who did a cross country tour last year. In fact, we were actually all in the Crater Lake area at the same time and missed them by only one day. Such an amazing small world. It was so nice to exchange stories and have that common ground with people. They also had an iguana named Don that Higgins wanted to play with… but he was very unsure about what to do. It was kind of adorable.

We spent several days in Madison exploring a bit and getting work/errands done. Madison is exactly what we are looking for in a town when we end our bike ride. It is a good size, but not overwhelming. It has a student population that both keeps the city progressive and a little weird, and it has educational opportunities if either of us want to go back to school. It is also near a lot of lakes and other natural areas. Oh, and it is SUPER bike friendly. Maybe the most bike friendly place we have ever been. There were even protected bike lanes that had concrete barriers separating bikes from cars, and lots of bike trails around the two lakes. I’d be willing to bet they either have a Naked Bike Ride or they would be open to it too. We seriously fell in love with it and my money (at this point) is on us living there fairly soon.

Our next major stop is Chicago, but first we decided to go to New Glarus Brewery. This was our first major disappointment when it comes to breweries (though Elysian in Seattle was also a let-down). The brewery is basically a tourist trap. It is a beautiful place but the beer selection is poor and it is more expensive than buying the beer at the store. They have basically implemented a Disney-land style pricing where they can charge anything because you are trapped away from other cities. The staff seemed miserable and the whole atmosphere was a bit pretentious. Their whole “we only serve in Wisconsin” thing gets old too, and apparently they sued a bar for serving their beer across the border. Kind of a dick move… but I think all borders are dumb so maybe it is just the anarchist in me. Oh well, we took some pictures and left without buying a beer.

We hit the road again with a couple of days travel to Chicago. Once getting into Illinois we experienced the absolute worst roads ever. Seriously. Just fucking terrible. Not only did they not have a shoulder but it looked like they had not been repaved since the Lincoln administration. Also, most of the drivers were assholes. It is kind of crazy how things change when you enter a new state. I’m not sure what the tax dollars in Illinois are going to but it certainly isn’t going to maintaining the highways on the north end of the state.

After a couple of days, including our longest day ever (75 miles with 8.5 hours in the saddle), we arrived in Evanston, Illinois to stay with Anna’s cousin. We ended up spending four nights in Evanston for some much needed rest and relaxation. We did work but we also were able to go to the beach and dip our toes into our first Great Lake, eat some AMAZING food at the Chicago Diner (my food baby took days to disappear), and check out Temperance Brewery. Anna’s cousin and his family were so amazing to us. They really took us in and made us feel comfortable, and we even got to sleep in a real bed J . This was the first time since leaving Missoula that we stayed with someone we knew from pre-bike ride. It was really nice to have that kind of bond and foundation before arriving.

The ride from Evanston to Milwaukee was pretty easy and short, only two days. The first day was pretty long at over 60 miles and we ended up arriving out our campground after dark. The price was a little high ($23) but it was a safe and secure place. Well, except for the skunk that wandered around our campground but he left us alone for the night. The smell was less than ideal though.

The second day of travel into Milwaukee was significantly easier. We only had about 25 miles and it was very flat. In Milwaukee we stayed with an old friend of mine from my political activism days. Javonni and I used to work together in DC, and thanks to Facebook it was easy to reconnect and feel like no time at all had passed. He and his girlfriend (Anna) were generous enough to let us stay in their spare bedroom and really let us invade their lives. We had a really amazing time hanging out with them, checking out the city a little bit, and socializing. It felt like we lived in the town a bit, which was nice. A little foundation from time to time is good for us.

Milwaukee turned out to be an incredibly fun and friendly town. It is a little big for us to live in but we would love to visit again, and maybe regularly if we moved to Madison. Just sitting in front of a coffee shop working we met a ton of great people who seemed genuinely supportive of our lifestyle. We clearly aren’t the only ones with an adventurous spirit. I wish we could have stayed a few extra days, but the road was calling and we needed to head north. In a few days we will be in the Green Bay area and are meeting with Anna’s parents to camp out for a few days. After that we move north into Michigan and circle around the Great Lakes for a bit.

Fargo to Minneapolis (or Two Beer Geeks Resent A State’s Terrible Liquor Laws)

This stuff all happened a while ago. I’m a bit behind because of how much we’ve travelled and how lazy I can sometimes get. Sorry about that. Oh, also you can find WAAYYYY more photos at our Facebook page and a handful of different photos at our Instagram (@shifts_and_higgles)

Sadly, our time with Kristen in Moorhead came to an end. We had a great time and only wish we’d had more time to spend in that city. As we started on our southwest journey towards Minneapolis, it became clear the terrain was changing pretty drastically. The plains and badlands of the Dakotas and Montana are far behind us, giving way to the forests, lakes, and riverlands of Minnesota. Basically, we are entering the domain of the elven people.

After 65 miles or so we arrived in Fergus Falls, our stop for the night. Due to some construction and a detour to get supplies, we ended up biking about 10 miles more than planned. It wasn’t too bad…the terrain was fairly flat and easy going. Camping has become a bit of a challenge, though. The mosquitoes are everywhere and we often need to work quickly to get the tent up so that Higgins doesn’t get completely covered in bites. We have been experimenting with different mosquito deterrents but none of them really work that well. Anna and I often come up with our own ideas of ways to kill the mosquitoes. Like most passion that is fueled by hatred, our plans are likely illogical and impossible, but it does make us feel better.

Our next day we started out on a rail-to-trail bike trail that would guide us for a couple of days into St. Cloud. Man, we have missed bike trails. Interstate highways might be the most direct way to get around, but they are boring and dangerous. It is much better to be on a trail meant for bikes and pedestrians. It is a little sad how few people we saw utilizing the trail – such a wonderful infrastructure in place and it seems barely used. Hopefully it was just because it was a weekday or something. Oh yeah, also today we woke up to the news that the SCOTUS had ruled in favor of marriage equality!!! So, yeah, that was exciting. Anna and I basically cried from happiness.

After about 30 miles of biking, we ended up in Brandon, MN and noticed some dark clouds forming on the horizon. While we were paused on the side of the road, looking at the sky and getting our bearings, a local guy pulled up in his pick-up and asked if we needed a ride to safety. I was confused and asked if we were in any danger. He told us the storm coming in might have dime-sized hail. That sounded dangerous to us so we decided to bike over to a county park and end the day a little early. The park (called Chippewa Park) turned out to be a real blessing. It was also another camping place that didn’t show up on Google. I have been adding places we camp to Google Maps as we go, hopefully to help other cyclists in the future. It is amazing how little web presence many small businesses and local governments have, considering how simple it is to set up a free website.

Anyway, the campground had a beautiful lake that we swam in (and forced Higgs to swim in with us) and we got a chance to relax, power up our equipment, and just enjoy an evening off. We also met some cool people, particularly a guy camping next to us named Troy who kindly shared some beers with us. He had an interesting history and I wish we could have chatted more. Sadly, biking for days in the sun drains us a lot and hopefully our tiredness didn’t come off as rudeness as the night sapped away our energy. We do have Troy’s contact information (and he has ours) so hopefully we can stay in touch. It really is people like Troy that make this journey memorable. As great as the sights and adventures are, it is the people we meet that really make life worth living. As the night ended, Anna saw a raccoon steal some of Troy’s food off the table, but (thinking she was just seeing things in the darkness,) she did nothing to stop that vile creature. Oh, and a little girl asked if I was Jesus. I told her yes.

The next two days were pretty similar. We were on the trail a lot and camped out at random parks and such. We got downpoured on one night, but overall the weather seems to be clearing up a bit as we enter summer. We also experienced more sexism, which is pretty common. People tend to assume Anna is not carrying one of the trailers unless they see us biking. It is kind of gross the assumptions people make.

On Sunday (June 28) we arrived in St. Cloud, where we stayed with two fucking amazing people, Bekah and Tom. Holy cow, we had such a great time Couchsurfing with them. We did the normal chores and errands stuff (work, laundry, shower so we don’t smell like ass, etc) but we also got to hang out with them a bit. Higgins loved them too, he liked to awkwardly sit on their laps. It is always embarrassing when your dog plops his anus down on people. He also ate some of their chicken off their kitchen table, how rude. Luckily we got a chance to get some of Higgins’ energy out by taking him and Bekah and Tom’s dog (Sophie) to the dog park. They got to play around in a nearby river too. Higgins generally doesn’t like the water but apparently his love for balls is stronger than that fear. When I threw a ball into the deeper water, he plunged in after it without hesitation – his head went completely underwater for a second. He isn’t a really good swimmer so we were all a bit scared, and I went after him in case he didn’t come up and needed assistance, but he ended up being fine. He just thrashed around in the direction of the ball floating downstream until he eventually caught up with it, then thrashed his way to the shore, where he shook himself off, stared suspiciously at the water, and refused to get back in for at least five minutes (until we threw another ball). He is a durable puppy.

After two nights with two amazing people we hit the road again. The bike trail ended but we had a really good shoulder along a moderately busy road. Not ideal, but it could have been a lot worse. We found camping at a State Forest along Ann Lake where we took more pictures and relaxed some more before our final day into Minneapolis.

After an easy day of riding and an extended work break at a coffee shop, we got to a KOA in NW Minneapolis. We generally don’t like staying at KOA’s, they are expensive, filled with gaudy RVs, and have children running around screaming. We didn’t really have a choice though – it was the Fourth of July weekend in a major city and most places were booked up already. Just like Veteran’s Day, it is kind of ironic that a combat veteran can’t find good camping options on the Fourth of July. Normally we would hope for a Couchsurfing host, but we had no luck there either because of the holiday. We made the best of the situation though and stayed three nights so that we could get some work done and get ready for the next week of travel. We also drank a lot of beer, despite the horrendous alcohol laws in Minnesota. They are terrible, by far the worst we have seen yet. Though, I hear Pennsylvania is going to top that list when we get there next spring.

The KOA also gave us an opportunity to take some MDMA together. It had been a while since we were able to bond like that. It is something we really love and helps keep our relationship open and strong. It’s a shame that finding good, safe Molly on the road is pretty tough. It isn’t something we need and if we go the next couple years without it we will be fine. It is nice to have though!

Finally, on the morning of July 4, we hit the road again. The plan was to bike 20 miles into Minneapolis, hit a couple of breweries, and then bike 20 miles out of Minneapolis to find a place on the side of the road to camp. We accomplished 2 of our 3 goals. We got into Minneapolis and went to Indeed Brewery and Surly Brewery, but in doing so, we also got pretty drunk. Our least bad option was to get a cheap hotel in a moderately shady part of St. Paul for the night… more money down the drain but at least we were safe. After working a bit to unload our bikes and get all our valuable stuff into our inconveniently placed second story hotel room, and storing our trailers in the pool lobby (not sketchy at all), we ordered some vegan pizza (HOLY SHIT IT WAS GOOD!!!!) and promptly passed out. Happy Fourth of July, motherfuckers!

Firemen, Police Officers, and Bike Shop Owners… Oh my!

We left Olympia in our traditional late fashion. The orgasmically comfortable pillows and a general tendency towards slothiness (not a word apparently) meant we didn’t hit the road until around noon, and of course we needed to stop to buy some beer and get some coffee in Olympia. Both were necessary.

Death themed coffee shop? Yes, please!

We took a westerly route around the Puget Sound to get to Seattle. That wasn’t the most direct route but it was more rural (meaning camping would be easier), went through Bremerton (home of my favorite band), and would bring us close to my childhood friend, Bre. Unfortunately nothing went according to plan really.

The first day went pretty smoothly. The roads were decent and the weather nice. We found an unoccupied lot outside of Shelton to set up our tent for the night. It was actually rather pleasant and we slept pretty well. The next day started about the same but soon took a negative turn. About five miles before we got to Allyn, Washington (you’ve never heard of it… nobody has) my rear wheel busted again. This continues to be our biggest mechanical issue. The weight (me, Higgs, two panniers of gear, our repair kit, etc) is something the wheel just isn’t made for. We haven’t found a good solution but it kind of terrifies me that it could break while we are in the middle of nowhere, and this time when it broke we kind of were.

We decided the best option was to have Hans stay with all of our stuff on the side of the road in a wooded safe area we found while Anna and I took the two working bikes (sans gear) into Bremerton to get a new wheel. The bike shop ended up being 25 miles away… not exactly a quick and easy ride in the best of circumstances, and with the hills in the area this was far from the best of circumstances. The ride into town went relatively quick, Bremerton is definitely not bike friendly at all and the highways that wind through the city make cycling pretty unsafe. Our first stop was a bike shop that showed up on the map but nobody answered when we called, it turned out they were both closed on Wednesdays (huh?) and the only employee broke his leg so they were closed indefinitely.

So, we proceeded to the second bike shop. This required a quick ferry ride and short peddle through the city. The guy at the bike shop was pretty friendly and was able to help us out, despite being rushed and maybe not paying as much attention to what he was doing as he should have. He sold me a used wheel that had been restored, put new gears onto it (mine were ready to be replaced anyway), taped up tube area, and put on a new tire. The price was pretty good and he did it quickly, which I appreciated.

The afternoon sun was pretty high by time we got moving again and neither of us were looking forward to 25 more miles of riding. There really wasn’t much of a choice though so we took the ferry back to the other side of the bay. It was then that we noticed a bunch of buses… maybe we could take a bus some of the way! Unfortunately, the only bus that would take us south on Hwy 3 towards Allyn was on the side of the bay we just left and our ferry was already drifting away from shore. If only we had thought of public transportation before leaving the bike shop. Le sigh.

The ride back to Hans was much like the ride away… hilly and hot. We had gone about 20 miles or so when we saw an ambulance coming towards us on the road. This didn’t really stand out to us, we see emergency vehicles all the time, until it slowed down and turned on it’s siren. The driver yelled out the window of the ambulance “WE HAVE HER!” and then they kept driving. I was confused for a split second until an unmarked police car, which was following the ambulance, slowed down and said “We are taking her to the fire station!”. Then both vehicles drove of.

Well… shit.

We turned around and headed back towards Allyn where the fire station was. A number of scenarios ran through my head but I figured nothing really bad could have happened. If she was injured they would be going to a hospital and would have had their lights and sirens on the whole time. If she was being arrested or something she would be in the cop car and going to the police station. I figured they were probably being nice and just helping a cute girl who was stranded on the side of the road. After about a mile of riding we came upon the cop who had parked on the side of the road and my hypothesis was confirmed.

It turns out somebody had seen us all on the side of the road around noon and it caught their eye. They then saw our stuff (but not Hans) on the side of the road about 7 hours later and decided to call the police. The person apparently thought we had children in the trailers and had abandoned them in the heat while we sought shelter in the trees. Kind of weird. It takes a pretty pessimistic person to think three adults would abandon children in the hot sun while we take shelter… and you are kind of a terrible person if you think two children are dead or dying and instead of helping you just call the cops and drive on.

Anyway, the officer investigated and found Hans and Higgs. He was able to convince the local fire crew to drive over there in their ambulance and throw all our equipment in the back and drive them to the fire station where they offered to let us stay the night. That was a huge relief to us because we had no idea where we would be sleeping that night. We were clearly behind schedule (which meant we couldn’t meet up with Bre) and wouldn’t make it to our campground in Bremerton.

Both the fire crew and police officers were incredibly friendly and amazing, though it is still difficult to trust police officers. One officer who acts like a good person to a young, middle class, white women in distress doesn’t mean he is a good person or his profession is redeemed for the tyranny they impose on the masses. It is such a tough situation. I have cop and soldier friends, and they are put in terrible positions by shitty politicians. People are responsible for their own actions but the problem runs deeper than bad cops, the heart of the problem is a government filled with politicians who authorize the use of guns against peaceful people. Ugh, end rant.

The next day we rode back into Bremerton to take the ferry into Seattle. The ride was hilly and boring, and unfortunately I blew two tubes on the way in. It turns out that the bike shop guy did not properly tape the wheel and the spokes were tearing into my tubes. Sucked. We got through the crazy bike unfriendly city (where I was flipped off while sitting at a stop sign, I guess my existence somehow made the ass-clown in an over-sized truck unhappy) and onto the ferry. I was disappointed in Bremerton, I guess my love of MxPx means I had an idolized version of the city in my head.

The ferry ride over turned out to be a lot of fun. Anna, Hans, and I actually got to relax and not worry about anything for 30 minutes while everything was taken care of. We goofed around, took stupid pictures, hugged, danced, kissed, and had a lot of fun together. It is something we don’t get to do often. We may be with each other 24/7 but most of our life is riding, planning, or working, we don’t have as much down time to be silly as we would like.

I

By time we got off the ferry we were pretty exhausted from all the stress of the days before. Our ride through Seattle was much hillier than any of us imagined and we basically had 10 miles uphill to get to our hotel (ugh, we hate getting hotels but we couldn’t find a couchsurfer or anything to help us out… such a waste of money). We got there though and decided after some showers we wanted to take a little MDA to just de-stress. We had a great night of naked touching, kissing, and talking. It was nice to let the pleasure take over for a while and not worry about all the other stress that we had ahead of us. Of course we didn’t get much sleep and woke up hung over on our first day in Seattle.

Seattle!

Stumptown

Pre-Script: I’m sorry for the delayed post. As I was starting to write this post nearly a week ago I found out a good friend of mine had died in a car wreck. It hit me hard and I found it very difficult to sit down and concentrate on blogging. I am still feeling the impact and I may end up with delayed posts for a while. I’ll do my best to keep writing and updating our journey as much as possible. As it stands now we are in Seattle and the events listed here happened the first week or so of July.

 

PDX. P-Town. City of Roses. Rip City. Stumptown. Portland… the crazy city with many names and crazy culture.

Returning to my old stomping grounds is always a little anxiety-inducing. It is nice to have parents who live near such a cool place but when you don’t have a great relationship with them (being a polyamorous, pagan, atheist, pansexual anarchist doesn’t really jive with hardcore Christian conservatives) it can stress you out. Things between us are better than they have been in about a decade but it is still nerve-wracking. We had a wonderful time though. It may be tough to get the timeline correct (we were there for nine days or so) but I’ll do my best to hit the highlights.

Our first day exploring took us out into nature. We drove around parts of the Gorge and went to Multnomah Falls and Rooster Rock. As beautiful as Multnomah Falls is I found it really unfortunate how touristy it has become. You used to be able to climb down and play in the water falls but now they are all fenced off and a bunch of employees milling around. It just wasn’t that fun, luckily Rooster Rock was awesome.

Rooster Rock has a clothing-optional beach, so of course we had to check it out. We went down to the area and we were greeted by a woman in her 50’s who clearly had been nude sun-bathing for a few decades. Not a tanline on the woman. She was incredibly friendly (and clearly a little stoned) as she told us the good places for people our age to lay out. The “young” area involved wading through chest deep water and holding our possessions above our head to get to, but she assured us we would have more fun there than in the “gay” area (where they are mean to girls) or the “old” area where we might be gawked at.

So, she lead us on a quarter-mile hike through the warm river onto an island where the younger people hung out. We actually only saw four other people and had a nice little area to ourselves to work on eliminating our awkward tans. We had a great time laying in the sun in our birthday suits, taking pictures, and relaxing after all the riding we had been doing. It is always slightly surprising how non-sexual the human form is when you see it during average activities. It is just bodies, and they are beautiful, fascinating, diverse, and absolutely wonderful. Hopefully we get to a point in society where there isn’t shame, sin, or fear associated with them. Anna and I did get a chance to bang in the bushes, which was nice. It is hard sometimes to find the energy and/or place to get our lovin’ in.

We left the wonderful beach in the late afternoon and trudged through the water once again. When we started to leave our wonderful guide was still sun-bathing and she shared some of her stories as we got dressed. She was very open about doing shrooms while watching meteor showers on the beach, hanging with cops who got naked with them, and all day parties with hundreds of nudists filling the shores. What a life she has had so far, hopefully we can have some of those adventures as well.

We spent a couple of days exploring the city and hitting some places on our list. Food Fight, a vegan grocery store, is a place Anna and Hans have been ordering food from for years. So, we went there (twice) to score some noms. We also got a chance to enjoy several breweries such as Bridgeport Brewing, Burnside Brewing, and Hair of the Dog. I think that puts our brewery count up to about 30. And of course we found food including a vegan BBQ food truck and Hungry Tiger.

Our time in Portland had an intermission on the 4th of July because we drove up to Canada for HumpFest! HumpFest is an amateur porn festival that our lord and savior Dan Savage started years ago. We borrowed my sister’s car and left Portland around 10am on the 4th. The drive was only 6 hours but we wanted to give ourselves plenty of time to grab a beer and maybe explore the city a bit. Everything went smoothly until we crossed the Canadian border. The border crossing itself was easy, they simply looked at our passports and waved us on, but things got dicey once we were in Canada.

First, our phones stopped working (damn arbitrary borders) so we had to just kind of wing it. Luckily the road we were on took us straight into Vancouver. We stopped at a gas station to use the bathroom and get some snacks, the stop took us about 15 minutes but changed our route considerably. After getting back on the road we hit a wall of traffic pretty quickly. Nothing was moving, we ended up being stuck for about three hours before we reached the front and they turned us around. We found out later that an SUV had wrecked with a city bus in a tunnel under the river and had completely blocked traffic. If we had not stopped for a bathroom break we would likely have been in that wreck.

Luckily, we stopped and avoided it but we had no idea how to get to Vancouver. I turned on roaming to see if we could get some directions (a decision that lead to a $300 phone bill) but we maneuvered our way to the city using back roads and arrived at the venue about 5 minutes late. We were still able to find seats together and the festival ended up starting late so we didn’t miss anything, and we had an amazing time. Most of the shorts were absolutely hilarious and many had strong serious points to make. I can’t talk about them really (part of the agreement when you go to Hump!) but if I’m ever in a bad mood I just need to think of a T-Rex trying to masturbate to dolphin porn.

After Hump! ended we decided to hit the road back to Troutdale. We couldn’t find a camping place or Couchsurfer to stay with so instead of paying too much for a hotel we just wanted to get back. We did grab some beer first, but this turned out to be expensive and a big pain in the ass because of the liquor laws in the area. The drive back wasn’t too eventful for the most part. Going back into the US was more trouble than going into Canada, the border clearly more militarized when you want to go into “the land of the free” but it could have a lot worse.

We got back to my parent’s place around 4am and crashed pretty hard for the day. The rest of our time in the Portland was a whirlwind of random events. We got together with a bunch of people at Skyland Pub, got drunk, and got to hear my grandpa tell a bunch of awesome stories of the hippies he knew in the 60’s and 70’s. We also had dinner with a couple of our LA friends (one of whom actually lives in Portland now) and I played D&D for the first time with my siblings (which was awesome and I am kind of hooked now). We went to Saturday Market and saw a bunch of amazing local art and went to the Mill Ends Park, the smallest park in the world. Higgs got a bunch of time with my folks dogs and got to play at a dog park… he was so happy.

Look at that tiny park!

One of the highlights was Casa Diablo, a vegan strip club in Portland. I don’t know if the dancers were all vegan but the food was, and it was even pretty good. It is a tough life when you have to decide between paying attention to macaroni and cheese or watching boobs and labia on stage. The dancers were pretty good looking as long as you like tattoos, though the body types had a lot of variety and each one that we talked to was incredibly friendly. They weren’t pushy at all, which was nice. I was pretty drunk by time we left to a dive bar on the other side of town where Hans’ friend was playing in a band. I don’t remember much about it but her friend seemed nice and the music wasn’t terrible.

Our total time in Portland was 9 days… maybe a bit too long. When we hit the road again our bodies were not really ready for it, but we had to head out eventually. On the horizon was Olympia and Seattle before ending our northerly trajectory and heading east towards Montana.

Emerald City

Well, we are in love. Our hearts are infatuated, we are distracted, and every passing smile or familiar scent reminds us of beautiful Eugene.

We arrived Thursday night around 7pm. Our hostess was in the middle of preparing for her own tour so we grabbed some food from Cornbread Cafe (a fat-kid vegan joint) and got our first taste of this little town. After dinner we went to our “home” for the night and found out it is a guest house in an amazing co-op. They didn’t have a yard, but instead had gardens everywhere and a pen of chickens. All the homes were eco-friendly and mostly made of re-purposed products, the guest house we were staying in was actually a cob house. They brewed their own beer, people peed in buckets to be used in gardening, and they had “family” meals and time gathered around a campfire. I have no idea how many people live there but the community they built was incredibly welcoming and warm. We felt loved and people were genuinely interested in is… and finding out many of them are anarchists certainly helped. 🙂 That night we hung out and chatted with everyone before eventually watching a few episodes of Orange is the New Black (HOW IS THAT SHOW SO FUCKING GOOD?!?!) and sleeping.

Friday morning and afternoon was just a bunch of errands to prepare for the ride to the party our hosts invited us to. We ended up leaving for the party (which was about 30 miles away) at around 4pm but with flat terrain and mostly empty trailers/panniers it wasn’t a bad ride. The road was kind of shitty with traffic and it was a tad chilly but definitely not the worst day. The party was on a farm out east of Eugene and had a ton of wonderful people. Our hostess and her partner played in a band that performed and we camped out on the yard. It was nice to sit back, get a little drunk, listening to some amazing live music, and having drunk sex. It is hard to really capture how relaxing it was to sit curled up on a lawn with an Oregon mist falling around us while bluegrass music plays in front of us. It was so incredibly euphoric.

We got up and hit the road back to Eugene fairly early after a quick good-bye to all the wonderful people we met. We had to get moving fairly quickly in order to make it to the World Naked Bike Ride that started at 4:30pm. The ride was even smoother than the day before despite the chill in the air. We even got a free lunch at a random market that was celebrating their great customers… we have never been a customer of them but I’m not one to turn down free coffee, food, or carbonated sugar drinks. We got back into Eugene with plenty of time to put on some body paint, buy a smoothie from Dutch Bros (with added tequila), and meet up with the rest of the riders.

As is usually the case at events like this the participants are dis-proportionally older men. We did meet several other people our age and had a great time riding through town. There is something very liberating about being naked in public. There are just no secrets and nothing to worry about. You quickly stop caring what others are thinking (or that many of them are snapping pictures), instead you enjoy the variety of responses you get from those who happen to be wandering the city along the route. There are cheers, shocked gasps, people averting their eyes, people laughing and waving, some people hide their kids while others lift their kids up to give them a better view. I guess even in a fairly progressive area like Eugene, Oregon the sight of 50ish naked people smiling on bicycles is unexpected. The whole event was wonderful but a few particular moments stand out:

• At one point a cyclist not in the ride was riding in the opposite direction of us. Hans made eyes with him and smiled. The guy was so distracted by her nude body and friendly attitude that he stopped paying attention to the road and ran straight into a parked vehicle.
• An old Asian woman with two teenagers saw us and you could see the woman slowly processing what she was seeing. After a few seconds she covered her eyes and started turning in a circle saying “oh no! oh no! oh no!”
• One of the people that joined the ride after we started was a homeless guy with a face tattooed on his head. He screamed at people for no reason and must have smoked a half dozen spliffs during the ride. We found out later his name is John Brewster and he had a documentary made about him.
• A guy yelled at Hans “I wish I was that bike seat!!” and then offered her weed

Of course it wouldn’t be a protest event without some controversy, but sadly the source of the controversy is an online, anonymous, puritan, busy-body, coward piece of shit. I posted one of the photos from the ride (see below) as my cover photo on Facebook. Within a couple of hours it was flagged as “nudity and pornography”. I’m not sure if Facebook will remove it but it won’t surprise me if they do, they tend to be overly conservative about the human body. Their terms of service are also vague enough to justify all sorts of censorship. I think Facebook is well within their rights to ban any photo, but that doesn’t make them any less assholes for reinforcing body shame and blocking those with controversial views… it might be good for the bottom line right now but eventually they will become the next MySpace.

Is this really pornography? Obscene? Are we so terrified of skin that we resort to running to the authorities to protect us?

We did finish the ride in high spirits though and we were happy when we went off to get dinner. Our new host and his girlfriend actually met us at dinner and the tradition of fucking awesome people existing (and also owning chickens) continued. We crashed relatively early knowing we had some errands and work to do the next day… stuff like drop the bikes off to get worked on, prepare for the upcoming weeks, and just let our muscles relax a bit.

Sunday was an average errand day. We were able to hit up a brewery #12, hang out at a cool coffee shop, catch up on some work, and rest up a bit. On Monday we rented a car and headed towards Bend for a quick adventure or three in that city.

Bend really surprised me. Despite living in Oregon for a good portion of my life I don’t remember ever hearing much about Bend. I was missing out. After a 3ish hour drive, filled with Dan Savage, nature, and discussions, we arrived at Smith Rock State Park. Smith is an amazing place with miles of hiking trails and natural climbing walls. It is a place we would have loved to explore more but we didn’t have the time. We did get a chance to spend a few hours hiking the trails and found a place out of sight for some quick sexy pics to send to our “sex tag” friends… plus, fooling around in a public place where you can get caught is kind of hot.

“Sex tag” is a new little game we were invited to play with a couple that we know thanks to the online world. Basically, one couple sends a sexy pic to the other and then they return the favor. We are currently using similar pics (so they send an oral pic and we send an oral one back) but that probably isn’t a rule or anything. Anyway, it is a lot of fun so if any other couples are interested in playing with us just send us a text (843-424-5441).

After Smith we headed into Bend to meet up with our Couchsurfing hosts, Samantha and Tyler (fake names… you know, to protect the guilty). I know we have talked about how awesome people are before, and it is always true, but Samantha and Tyler set a new bar. Hanging out with them was really like hanging out with old friends. We grabbed some drinks and dinner with them at brewery #13, and then got more drinks at brewery #14. It would have been great to stay with them for another night or four but our time was limited and we left early the next day… but not before knocking out two more breweries in Bend.

On the way back to Eugene we stopped by a clothing optional hot spring up in the mountains. Unfortunately, Terwilliger didn’t meet up to my expectations for a couple of reasons. First, I shouldn’t have damn expectations. Second, Higgins was a big pain. There was no place within sight of the springs to put him so he started to panic, howl, and bark. I know I probably should have ignored him (he needs to know that we aren’t at his beck and call) but I didn’t for two reasons. The primary reason was that I hate thinking something within my control is annoying other people, his howling and barking was obnoxious and I hated knowing that the other 20 people or so at the springs might be bothered by him. The second reason was that I don’t know Higgins past well enough to know how he was abused in the past, I don’t know if he was abandoned, tied to a tree, or whatever in the past and putting him through that sort of mental anguish breaks my heart.

The third reason the springs didn’t really go well for me is based on one person there… which is shitty and probably wouldn’t have been a problem if the other stuff wasn’t going on. There was one guy in the springs who seemed intent on having “deep” philosophical spiritual conversations with everyone there when it was obvious many of us just wanted to relax. He was also incredibly selfish with space, almost like he felt entitled or a sense of ownership. He spread out taking up 2-3 times as much room as everyone else. Anytime people are nude the polite thing to do is give everyone enough room to sit so that you aren’t touching strangers… but he took over so much space that the rest of us were cramped and kind of forced to listen to him ramble. The Terwilliger Prophet (as I like to call him) was so sure he had found the answers to life, the soul, god, Jesus, dreams, and everything, and he just wanted to talk without caring if others wanted to listen. It reminded me of a couple of obnoxious interactions I had at Burning Man where people try too hard to be deep or profound and don’t take the time to see if other people care or want to talk. There were lots of cool people there too, including several people who brought there children to the springs. The Prophet just became overwhelming and made the environment uncomfortable because of how he monopolized space and conversations.

Our final full day in Eugene was Wednesday. We dropped off the rental car, picked up our bikes, and set out for two more breweries in the city. After getting thoroughly day drunk we biked back to our host’s house to make them all dinner and enjoy a calm evening in. Tomorrow we head up to Corvallis for some couchsurfing, Independence for the Rogue farm, and then off to the coast.

Serendipity

Disclaimer: This is an adult blog with adults doing adult things to other adults and to themselves. So if you don’t like drugs, banging, blah, blah, blah please view our PG-version of the adventure at www.10LegsWillTravel.wordpress.com and you can view all of our pictures at our Facebook page (aren’t we so legit!).

We ended up spending three full days in Medford with my friend Adam and his wife. During that time we borrowed their car to drive to Crater Lake, we took about a day and a half to relax and recharge, and we explored Ashland a bit with Adam and Julia. All these things were necessary in their own ways.

The trip to Crater Lake was absolutely incredible. It is a place all of us had wanted to see since the beginning of the ride but our change of route and slower pace made it momentarily unlikely. We had a discussion and realized a lot of places like Crater Lake will be unreachable unless we make some changes. We can’t change our pace but we can certainly open up our adventure a bit and allow for car travel when biking isn’t available. So, we borrowed Adam’s car and drove up to the gorgeous Crater Lake.

Look at that beautiful fucking lake inside of a volcano?!?!?!?

The drive up there was amazing for all of us. Not only could we sit back and just relax a bit, it gave us a chance to listen to Dan Savage and bond in a way that we haven’t been able to recently. Despite travelling with each other and cramming into a tent at night we don’t have a lot of intimate bonding time. This few hours allowed us to chat about the future (and act as amateur advice columnists to the question’s sent to Savage). I wish I could really describe the beauty of Crater Lake but it really is one of those things you need to see for yourself. We took some pictures but they pale in comparison to real life. If you get the chance you should go. Higgs also loved it, he got to play in snow for the first time. He wasn’t impressed in the beginning but when we started throwing snowballs for him to chase or catch he had a grand old time.

Our time exploring Ashland a bit (with more than a few drinks thanks to a winery and brewery visit) with Adam and Julia was a lot of fun. It is amazing how we can all fall back into old roles and reminisce with people that we haven’t seen in years (or decades). Kicking back with some drinks and just talking about the world and such brings a little bit of “normalcy” to our dynamic lives that is often needed. It was unfortunate that we had to leave and continue our ride so soon.

The trail out of Medford up into central Oregon wasn’t too bad. We had some sun beating down on us but the hills were manageable and we had either a good shoulder or low traffic. That first night we found a local fire department and asked if we could set up on their land. They didn’t care at all and were very friendly to us. It is amazing the difference in attitude between police officers and firefighters. In theory, the two suffer from the same problems all government institutions do, but clearly there are cultural factors or something that makes the way the two view the public as very different. We still avoid law enforcement but firefighters have been nothing but helpful… and who can resist those sexy uniforms?

The second day had a pretty big hill for us to conquer… basically anything over 800ft or so is considered “big” to us. It wasn’t so bad though and it gave us a really nice 10-15 mile steady downhill ride. That night we found a rest area near a river and set up our tent there. This was another time when we just assumed nobody would be checking a random, dark place on the side of the road on a Saturday night. As is often the case, being near a secluded water source encouraged us to get naked. So, Naked Saturdays has been bestowed upon our trip and will continue until we forget.

Sunday was a steady ride into Myrtle Creek, where our hosts (Mike and Pam) live. You may remember that we met Mike and Pam weeks ago outside a hotel when we were in Paso Robles, California. It was a serendipitous meeting. They weren’t supposed to be at that hotel (their preferred hotel was booked) and neither were we (we had some mechanical difficulties as the sun was going down). I’m glad it worked out this way though and we felt incredibly welcomed when we rode onto their beautiful farm.

Their farm has Morgans (a type of horse), chickens, a couple of wolfhounds, a little dog, and some cattle. They farmed a lot of greens and almost everything we ate came straight from their farm. Because my veganism comes from an ethical place I had no problem with indulging in the beef and eggs provided by our hosts… and oh man, the meals were fantastic. Pam also bakes her own bread and we purchased a couple of loaves of it for the road because it is literally (and I’m not exaggerating here) the best bread I have ever had in my life. Mike and his daughter (Katherine) also do some AMAZING metal cutting. I wasn’t there for the tour of the workshop but the art they create was absolutely stunning. I will want one for my own home if/when I get one.

The day of our arrival was pretty low-key. We had a vegetarian chili (provided by the neighbors), chatted with our hosts a bit about subjects we all enjoy (spirituality, physics, philosophy, the state of the world, etc), and hit the sack. Monday during the day was a work and errand day for us, and coincided with Mike and Pam being out of the house so it worked out really well. That evening we went over to the neighbor’s place (Amanda and Vince) to meet them and use their hot tub.

Vanda live on a beautiful home, currently for-sale, where for many years they had an intentional community. Several families shared living space and created a peaceful sanctuary to explore alternatives to the consumerism that has become such a strong part of the American identity. I can’t recall everything we discussed that night but Vince and Amanda are inspirations to us. After their house sells they are going to travel the country in an RV with their kids and I have a feeling our paths will all cross again.

That night we all took some pot cookies we acquired before going to sleep… it wasn’t the best idea for me. Edibles are notoriously hard to dose and when you are drunk your judgement is already impaired. I took a half of one (the recommended dosage) and when I wasn’t feeling it enough I took a whole cookie on top of it, and then I fell asleep. The food was slowly digested and my system took more weed than I was prepared for.

I woke up at about 2am in a bit of a panic. I was too stoned to walk or anything so I crawled out of the tent and tried to get some water from the water bottles on our bikes. It took several tries to get my body to respond to my brain and crawl to Anna’s bike. Her water bottles were empty so I crawled over towards my bike. At some point I gave up and just laid down to sleep outside. Then one of the crazies experiences of my life happened.

I regained consciousness to find myself on my hands and knees and banging my own head into the ground. I distinctly remember doing this at least three times before regaining control. I don’t know if I sleep-walked or what but I remember nothing between falling asleep near my bike and waking beating myself up a few yards away.

Fucked up, I know.

Well, I crawled my ass back into the tent and passed out. It wasn’t until the next morning when I looked in the mirror and saw a near black eye with several mild cuts that it really hit me what had happened. Be careful when doing drugs and make sure you dose yourself properly. All drugs should be legalized, but people need to act responsibly and take care of themselves. Don’t be stupid like me.

Needless to say, I was not in great shape when I woke in the morning. We had to put down some mileage on our way to Eugene but I was still pretty stoned (damn edibles) and my whole body ached. We finally hit the road around 2pm and had agreed to try and knock out 20 miles or so. A pretty moderate ride with an unavoidable big hill in the middle of it. To make matters worse the road the hill was on was gravel so we ended up pushing our equipment up it with very little traction. At several points we even had to help each other push equipment after leaning our own bikes on something, only to have to go back down the hill to get them later.

We made it into Roseburg completely mentally and physically exhausted. We found an abandoned lot of land off the highway and set up our tent for the night. It was dark pretty quickly but I wasn’t quite asleep when familiar blue, red, and white flashing lights lit up our tent. It is such a fucked up world when your response to those who “serve and protect” is fear, paranoia, and discomfort even when you aren’t doing anything wrong. I silently hoped that Higgs would be his normal quiet self and not give the cops approaching our tent any excuse to commit puppycide.

The officers informed us that we were trespassing and the property owner (who lived next door apparently) wanted us gone. The cops took our ID’s, ran them for warrants or whatever, and eventually left us alone to pack up in the pitch dark and find a new place to sleep. Because there is nothing safer for cyclists than to navigate unfamiliar roads in the dark while barely awake… We found a nearby Motel 6 and decided to get a room, as much as it pains us to spend that type of money on our pretty tight budget.

To be honest, the saddest thing about this is how quick the property owner turned to threats of violence instead of talking with us. People are so terrified of “the other” that they call men with guns who can do violence with impunity instead of simply telling us that we can’t stay on the property, or even just striking up a conversation with us. Nope, the first response is to call the police, to call guns, to issue threats, to terrify instead of communicate. It sucks, but it is unsurprising given the modern media and political situation.

We made the best of the hotel situation though and recharged our electronics, gave me a mohawk, showered, masturbated, and got to bed fairly early. Despite a ton of sleep we still didn’t hit the road until about 11am. Hotels are still tough to leave, but we had a good ride that day. The sun was beating down on us and we had a terrible hill (we seem to average one a day) but we pushed on. We can usually handle hills, hot sun, and wind, but not at the same time. As long as only one or two of those hits us at a time we do alright.

We were kind of paranoid about being on the side of the road again due to our run in with the police but we didn’t have a lot of options. We found a place that we are pretty sure isn’t private property that couldn’t be viewed from the road and set up for the night. We slept well and hit the road fairly early for our last day of travel into Eugene.

The ride was pretty uneventful… up small hill, down small hill, repeat… until we got a few miles out of Eugene and Anna saw a motherfucking bear (literally a bear, not literally motherfucking). It apparently ran across the road right in front of her and hopped over a few fences in broad daylight. This is our first time crossing a bear and it was successful, as long as you measure success by the low standard of “nobody died and nobody sprayed themselves accidentally in the face with bear mace”. But, here we are now in Eugene and we are really excited. In the next few days we are travelling by bicycle with a band to a show/party (The Dirty Dandelions), participating in the World Naked Bike Ride, going to Ninkasi brewery, getting some vegan comfort food at Cornbread Cafe, renting a car to go to Bend for more breweries, hiking, and the clothing-optional Terwilliger Hot Springs. It should be a lovely time.

A Dab Will Do Ya!!!

Pre-Post: This is open and honest version of the events of our bike ride. If you are uncomfortable hearing about sex, drugs, profanity, etc you should check out our PG-version at www.10LegsWillTravel.wordpress.com . If you don’t want to hear about these adult actions please leave now.

 

The home we were couchsurfing at in Petaluma was an absolutely gorgeous home on a farm just outside of town. Our hosts were a great couple who had some kids in college and turned the extra bedrooms into a place for couchsurfers and such to crash. They made us a great curry which we scarfed down while making small talk but we went to bed pretty early. Part of me hates that we don’t get to spend more time with our hosts, they have been such great people but we are usually really beat by time we come riding up to the door. It is especially difficult when a host family has incredibly soft beds, blankets, and pillows… these ones were unbelievable. I have wet dreams about sleeping in them. I almost quit the bike ride and begged to be adopted. If heaven exists then it is filled with beds like that and glorious curry.

After a restful night’s sleep we started riding north again to the town of Sebastopol where we could stop, get coffee, and chill for a bit. The city had kind of a hippy vibe but was terrible for bikes… the roads sucked, the people sucked, everything made me want to get out of the city. And to put salt into our wounds a local food/drink place called Tea Infusions advertised a ton of vegetarian/vegan options, including a chocolate peanut butter cheesecake, but they didn’t have any. Apparently their website’s purpose is to create hope and inspire dreams only to throw them to the ground, stomp and spit on them, and then hit you in the throat with a golf club. Regardless, Anna got some work done and we continued on our way to Windsor.

The ride during all this time is kind of boring. The vineyards and rolling hills all kind of blend together and the lack of diversity makes the miles seem to pass more slowly. It has been pretty similar for days and when we arrived in Windsor we were ready for a break. Our plan was to go further that day but I think we were all pretty mentally exhausted and happy to grab a spot at a local sketchy RV Park that allowed tent campers. The park was filled with broken down vehicles, abandoned buildings, and overgrown fields. Basically, it was the beginning of a horror movie… but that’s cool, I love horror movies and know how to survive.

Wanna race?

We were happy to get on the road the next morning and get on with the ride. We stopped in Healdsburg for some beer from Bear Republic and then moved on past Geyserville where we found a place to camp near a freeway overpass. I saw a skunk that night and stayed up way too late reading The Hunger Games (my cousin gave me a Kindle and I figured I’d read it before I wipe the thing clean and link my account… man, Katniss is one cool chick). Basically this day did not really have anything exciting happen.

None of us got great sleep that night. The sleeping conditions weren’t great, I got too little sleep thanks to my unquenchable love for dystopian romance novels, and lots of critters came around the tent waking us up. We kept on moving and finally made it to Cloverdale where we were going to solidify our plans through a couple of days of riding that didn’t have any real cities. Our plans changed that day because Hans bang-buddy from Santa Rosa (let’s call him Jesus because he has an enviable beard, silky soft flowing hair, and I don’t want to use real names of people unless I ask) wanted to meet up with us for a day or three.

Now, I have a shitty habit of getting kind of annoyed when plans change. It passes after about 30 minutes but I tend to just kind of sulk until it passes. It sucks. I hate it. I want to change it but I’m not there yet and this happened when I found out Jesus would be joining us. The three of us had some kind of tense silent treatment and conversations during our coffee/shopping break in Cloverdale. I wish it could all be wonderful rim-jobs and rose petals but we are humans and that means we will sometimes get on each other’s nerves and have conflict. Luckily we all fucking love each other and are rational people so we can overcome any problems.

So, when we left Starbucks I was still kind of in a sour mood but we agreed to go to Ruth McGowan’s brewery (WE LOVE BEER) for a quick drink. As is often the case the quick drink took longer than expected because we met a kick-ass couple named Tidus and Yuna. They bought us a round of drinks, we talked about a bunch of adventures… they even gifted us half a joint and gave Higgs-Nasty a gourmet dog treat (which I didn’t really know existed). By the way, if you ever meet adventurers on the road and enjoy their company it is always wonderful to buy a round of beers or food or supplies for them. We love it. (Shameless Plug: Want to donate to us so we can fight off bears, drink beer, pay bail, and see wonderful parts of this continent? Want some cash to go to Karma Rescue where we got Higgins? Want a postcard from a random place or a picture of our biker butts? Check out our GoFundMe!)

After a couple hours at the brewery we hit the road determined to put down some miles, but knowing we had a shitty hill ahead of us. It was pretty terrible but we are getting used to terrible hills, they are just part of the experience and in some ways make us really feel like we’ve earned some of the amazing sights. We camped that night on a random spot about 10 feet from a road. It was another time when none of us knew the legality of what we did but we didn’t have a lot of options, besides we figure most cops are probably fairly decent people and won’t arrest us for trying to be safe. Regardless, I slept like a rock due to lack of sleep and nobody really bothered us except a small pack of coyotes (or some other dog) that howled in the distance for a bit.

The ride the next day was pretty easy, only a quick 20 miles to Boonville where we were meeting Jesus at Anderson Valley Brewing Company. Oh man, they have some great beers. Their Summer Solstice tastes like alcoholic cream soda, mmmm, I can’t stop thinking about it now. We had several beers, rested a bit, and got ready to go again when two awesome things happened. First, some random guy gave us a huge nugget of weed (I actually don’t smoke much weed so I have no idea if nugget is an appropriate description but whatever) that was like 1/3 the size of my fist. Welcome to Northern California.

Second, Hans met this girl in the bathroom who is a photographer and she wanted to take some pictures of us, including a couple of Polaroids that we have with us now. She was absolutely wonderful and a real pleasure to meet and pose for. I am usually kind of awkward when my photo is being taken but she had a calming effect and really got some great images of us. I hope she reads this blog and contacts us so that we can see the images when she puts them online.

After the great time at the brewery we all decided to have Jesus join us for a couple days of camping and floating on the river. He offered to take all of our equipment, including Higgins, in his truck so we could ride more comfortably. Oh man, what a difference. I had become pretty used to the 100+ lbs of gear I have and once I was free of it I felt like I was flying down the road. We made the 10ish miles to the campground incredibly fast. It was the tits.

 

The campground was a great little county park under the redwoods along a river. It didn’t allow RV’s which we like. Places that allow tents only tend to be a lot cheaper and not have all the unnecessary amenities like electricity and water at each campsite. We played in the river (Higgs first time), grilled up some food, and got a great night’s sleep before another day on the river.

The next day we rode without equipment again a few miles to a river access where we floated in Jesus’ raft, drank a bunch of beer, and let our muscles and minds relax. We had been going pretty non-stop since Santa Rosa so a little day’s rest was perfect. None of us really wanted it to end but we had a few more miles to put down before camping again, this time on the beach as we got out of the woods and wine country for a while and back to the coast.

 

The 10 miles or so before reaching the beach on Highway 128 was the best ride so far for us. It helped to be sans equipment but the beauty of riding through the beginning of the redwoods is impossible to capture in words. If you ever get a chance to ride your bike along the slight downhill on 128 you should do it, you won’t regret it. The ride is easy, the road well paved, the trees keep the hot sun off your face, and life is just so perfect. It really has made us anxious to see some more of this beautiful world and experience it on bike where you feel the wind, smell the environment, notice temperature changes, and really feel connected to nature in a way that seems impossible behind a screen or window.

The beach we stayed at was at the intersection of 128 and Highway 1. It seemed little known but fairly well maintained. The dogs loved playing on the beach (Jesus brought his two boxers) and we loved having a long afternoon to hang out around the fire and let our bodies rest. It was also nice to have separate tents so that we could have a bit more privacy sexin’ each other up. Anna and I clearly don’t have a problem with Hans being around but it was nice to not worry too much about waking anyone up. I know she was happy to have a couple days getting laid by Jesus as well. We left fairly early the next morning but Hans rode in the truck with Jesus while Anna and I hit the road on bikes for the 20 mile ride up the coast to Fort Bragg where we were spending the day and then meeting our friends Wakka and Lulu for a couple days in an Airbnb home.

Fort Bragg was a lot of fun. The weather was beautiful when we arrived so we went to the Glass Beach that had a bunch of sanded down glass bottles as sand. Jesus had to be on his way back to Santa Rosa pretty early so we said our good-byes and headed up to meet our friends at the Airbnb place, a gorgeous home with some gardens, animals, and probably the coolest atmosphere I’ve ever seen in a home. We have found there is a correlation between people owning chickens and being awesome (not roosters though, fuck roosters). I don’t think we will ever stay in a hotel again if there is an Airbnb option… the price is usually about the same but the atmosphere and amenities are 1,000,000 times better.

Wakka and Lulu arrived a couple hours after us and we had lots of warm greetings, but our night was just getting started. We had some MDA with us and all decided to party a bit for the night. We actually thought it was MDMA but after taking it and doing a little research we were likely wrong. This is why it is important to use a test kit before trying a new batch of drugs. I usually have one but didn’t carry it on the ride. MDA and MDMA taste pretty similar, though the coloring was a little off which should have been a warning. We also heard from some friends who took some of the same batch and they said it was really intense/different than prior batches of MDMA (we were told they are Moon Rocks but I don’t think they were). Because of their warning we started off slower than normal, I took 100mg instead of the 150mg that I normally start a night of home rolling with and even that was a bit too much.

We all had a really good time though, despite the different drug. MDA didn’t quite have the euphoric or cuddling effects as MDMA, and it didn’t make you energetic, but we did get some cool psychedelic visuals and mental hallucinations where you kind of get stuck in your head. It also chilled us all out and we spent some time massaging, cuddling, and just enjoying each other. Hans and I also were able to talk a bit about our prior disagreements, which was really nice. We all swear by using MDMA to help resolve problems in relationships, open the doors of communication, and solidify love and intimacy. Fuck the DEA and government in general for taking this wonderful tool out of doctor’s hands. It is evil that they would keep medicine from people who are hurting. Ugh. I don’t want to go down that road right now, I’m in too good of mood and talking about those evil parasites who see prohibition of medicine as good always gets me riled up.

So, after a night of rolling (is it called that with MDA?) we slept in and slowly recovered from the hangover, which was substantially more than MDMA. We felt groggy and kind of light-headed but mustered up the motivation to go to North Coast Brewery and the beach again. The weather was a little ugly but we still had a good time. Once we returned to the home we got some more rest, I watched some House on Netflix, ate a pizza, and zonked out early.

Now we are still in Fort Bragg but camping nearby. We all needed another day or two to catch up on the blog, emails, work, banging, etc. Soon we will be on the road again towards Arcata where we will have more breweries, more big trees, and a nude beach (where we will likely take our nude biker butt photos that we send exclusively to those who donate us a few dollars). We will take tons of pics and hopefully be able to update again soon. Much love!

 Post-Post: If you would like to see all our pictures you can check out our Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/10legswilltravel.

 

 

Brown Chick and Brown Cow

Pre-Post: This is pretty much an uncensored version of the events of our bike ride. If you are uncomfortable hearing about sex, drugs, profanity, etc you should check follow our PG-version at www.10LegsWillTravel.wordpress.com . This is a warning. If you don’t want to hear about these adult actions please leave now.

Leaving Sonoma was kind of fucking tough. We found a city with great people that we had an itch to explore… hell, it was even an attractive place for us to live. That decision probably shouldn’t be made after only 12 hours but sometimes you get a gut feeling about a place and a group of people and you just know they are cool. That is how we felt about the group we met in Sonoma. We had to leave though and get moving to Santa Rosa.

The ride itself was pretty uneventful. It was only 23 miles and we were able to take our time. We did pass a really cool dog park and decided to let Higgs play around and burn off some energy. He had a great time, though the people at the dog park were kind of assholes. I can hypothesize all day about this (was it because only wealthy assholes hang out at a dog park in wine country during midday on a Monday… or maybe they all know each other and we were the “outsider”… possibly they are jealous of our sexiness, youth, kick-ass dog, and my big blue seductive eyes that will drop the panties of their daughters… who knows?) but the truth will never be known. Maybe it was just a collective bad day for them all.

Regardless, our schedule was light that day it it felt nice to be able to take a slow ride and stop to see sites as they came. Our only “deadline” at this point is meeting some friends in Fort Bragg on the 14th and the World Naked Bike ride in June, but we have plenty of flexibility and I am finally getting pretty good at having realistic goals for us each day. It can be tough sometimes to slow down, even for me who is kind of a lazy hippy who stops and takes pictures of flowers just because I can. That reminds me, we are on Instagram too (10legswilltravel) if you do that. It is mostly just random shit.

Anyway, we got to Santa Rosa with high spirits. This was a multi-day stop for us because Anna needed to knock out some work, I needed to get some bike repairs done, and Hans needed to get laid…. that third one wasn’t actually on our specific “to do” list for Santa Rosa but is on all of our life “to do” list. We were couchsurfing again and our host was fucking awesome. His home was one of the best places we have seen and was clearly built with a lot of love and dedication to doing things his way. He even allowed us to stay an extra night when my repairs took longer than expected (I needed a new crank for the bike and was able to upgrade to something more in line with what we are doing).

After getting to know our host and drinking much of the first night we crashed pretty early. Our original plan was to go to the Cinco de Mayo festival that the city was hosting but they didn’t allow alcohol. Take a moment and read that sentence again. Cinco de Mayo without alcohol. That is like porn without nipples. Non-alcoholic beer. Back row of a movie theater when you are 17 without an awkward handjob. Sleep without rest. It is a terrible idea and it was no surprise when I found out it was put on by the local government. Only government would do something so ridiculous. So, we skipped it and got boozed up with our host instead and then drunkenly ordered chinese food and devoured it. Our metabolism is so high right now that we get drunk kind of quickly, it is cool.

So, our first night of rest behind us we headed to Russian River Brewery, the top brewery in California according to Thrillist. It was so damn good. The flights with 17 beers was only $16 and I could get a pint of Pliny the Elder for about $5. It is so nice not paying Los Angeles prices for things and this experience really reinforced the Thrillist list as a “must see” guide for our travels. Look out other 47 top rated breweries in the lower 48 states… we are coming for you and your hops. After getting our early day buzz on we went to a sweet vegan spot called Gaia’s Garden and gorged on curry before heading back to our host’s place to get some actual productive things done. Of course we got drunk again with our host also.

We woke up and noticed Hans’ sex hair… so I’m pretty sure she got some lovin’. She says she did but I wasn’t there to witness it personally but I trust her when she says she got some great banging. It had been a few weeks so high-fives were exchanged. It is amazing how a half dozen orgasms or so can really brighten your mood. We love celebrating each other’s orgasms. Well done host, you did her real good.

Most of that next day was spent mostly relaxing. We have found it is nice to take a multi-day break occasionally to give our bodies and minds a rest. It was really nice to have some “normalcy” by watching shitty reality TV, drinking beer, eating Oreos, and napping. The night went much like the previous couple… beer, tv, and bumping uglies. Hans did her thing with the host while Anna and I got some night and morning sex for the first time in a while (mmmm, groggy morning sex), which is a great way to get things going for the next leg of the journey.

On our host’s advice we decided to detour from our route and hit up Lagunitas brewery in Petaluma and then go into Sebastopol to explore and be productive. The ride to Petaluma wasn’t bad but the weather kind of sucked and we had a couple tire issues.

I have really been surprised at how many broken beer bottles there are on the side of the road. What kind of asshole throw’s glass bottles out of a moving vehicle? That may be fun for whatever neanderthal idiot gets entertained by the sound of glass shattering but that shit can kill a cyclist. Not only can having a tire blowout on a road cause an accident, changing a tube on a road can put the cyclist in harms way for an extended amount of time. People are idiots and I sometimes want to punch them in the baby-makers with brass knuckles.

Once we got to Petaluma and the amazing Lagunita’s brewery we were in a happy place again. The beer garden they have set up is probably the best one I have ever been to. It is bike friendly, dog friendly, and has a great selection of fantastic ales for a reasonable price. They had music playing and the atmosphere was just friendly and laid-back. I would have stayed all day if we could, but we did have another host to meet and stay with for the night so we finished our flight, got a new patch from the gift shop (collecting patches from breweries is cool and not a sign of alcoholism, right?), and finished our ride for the day at our host’s beautiful farm home just north of Petaluma.

Post-Post 1: Also, we have set up a GoFundMe account for our ride. If you enjoy the adventure or just want to receive a post card, booty pic, or vegan meal check us out here

Post-Post 2: If you would like to see all our pictures you can check out our Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/10legswilltravel.